


I'm Not That Boy

by Avidreader6



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Kisses, M/M, Oral Sex, Reunion, Steve finds bucky, some memories have come back, sweet slow sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:37:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avidreader6/pseuds/Avidreader6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is in Brooklyn to reminisce when he stumbles across something he never expected to find.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for thealidoyle and her love and adoration of Stucky (and Seb Stan in general)  
> Title comes from the song from Wicked "I'm Not That Girl"
> 
> Also my first explicit fic, and first full sex scene. (be gentle please)

Steve doesn’t find Bucky. He just sort of stumbles across him one day when he’s visiting his old neighborhood. It’s nothing like it used to be. Gone are the apartments and family owned shops and in their place are trendy restaurants and boutiques he never would have been able to afford. 

Bucky is just standing there. Staring at the building that used to hold the apartment Steve had lived in. Steve almost walked right by thinking it it was just another homeless person in Brooklyn, and then felt bad for having such callous thoughts. But then the sun catches the metal of Bucky’s arm and it flashes directly in Steve’s eyes. He turns and takes an actual look at the still man and can’t believe he almost walked by. 

He starts to say something, then stops. He doesn’t want to startled Bucky. So instead, with slow measured steps, he gets next to him and just stands. Steve takes in his haggard appearance and can tell Bucky hasn’t eaten in a while. His clothes are thin and torn from being worn so long. There are deep bruise colored circles under his eyes and Steve can tell it’s been a long time since Bucky was able to shower and shave. 

“Everything’s changed hasn’t it?” Steve tries to keep his voice light and friendly. He doesn’t want to scare Bucky off. 

“You. You lived there.” Bucky’s voice was hesitant and he scrunched his eyes closed as though the small memory pained him. 

“I did. We had sleepovers. We’d toss all the sofa cushions on the floor and pretend it was a campout. You’d try to get me to shine your shoes.” Steve laughed softly and smiled.

Bucky was looking at him now, eyes clear, shoulders relaxed. 

“Steve?”

“Yeah. It’s me Buck. I promise you know me. It’s all real. I’m real.” 

When Steve had described what had been done to Bucky and how he had been brainwashed, Bruce had had an idea. He had posited that Hydra had maybe, led Bucky to to believe that Steve was not real, that he was just a construct of Bucky’s mind. Steve had been appalled and saddened by just how much his friend had been put through, but he was determined to make sure he reassured Bucky he was real. 

“I know you. You are Steve Rogers.”

Steve felt his heart grow hopeful. Could Bucky really be remembering? 

Bucky kept talking, “You used to be smaller. Always sick. Took care, I took care of you.”

“Yeah you did. Always keeping me warm and finishing the fights I started.” 

That got a small smile out of Bucky and Steve had to clench his fists to keep from pulling him close. He had no idea how much of their relationship he actually remembered. 

Suddenly Bucky crumpled, clutching his head. Steve didn’t hesitate. He followed Bucky down and pulled him into his chest. 

“Bucky! What’s wrong?”

“So much. Too much.” He pulled at his hair, and Steve grabbed his hands before he could hurt himself.

Steve was able to get Bucky standing again with him leaning heavily into his shoulder. He needed to get him back to the tower. There were people who could help there. 

“Bucky. Can you walk?”

Bucky nodded and they took a few shaky steps. Bucky had his head buried in Steve’s neck, but as they walked, Steve realised Bucky was saying something. Steve listened closely and when he finally heard what Bucky was saying, his heart broke. Bucky just kept repeating, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Steve then felt dampness on his neck and knew Bucky was crying. 

He hailed a cab, and when one finally pulled over for them, he bundled Bucky inside and told the driver to go to Stark Tower. At the mention of Stark, Bucky began to shake and look around the cab panicked. Steve took his hand and tried to get the attention back on him. After reading the file on the Winter Soldier, he had an idea why the name Stark had caught his attention. 

“Bucky, I need you to look at me.” When he had his attention, he kept going, “Good. That’s it. Focus on me, Steve.” He brought Bucky’s hand to his chest, letting him feel his heartbeat. “Match your breathing to mine. Slow your heart to beat with mine.” 

As Bucky calmed down, so did Steve. He patted the space next to him and Bucky slid over into it. Steve gave a sigh of relief and thanked God above that Bucky seemed to be okay with his touch. 

“I’m sorry Steve.”

There was the apology again. Steve didn’t know what Bucky was apologizing for, he’d done nothing wrong. 

“Why are you sorry?”

“I did so many bad things. Killed so many people. Forgot so much. There isn’t much I’m not sorry for.” 

Steve gave in to what he’d been wanting to do since they got in the cab and put his arm around Bucky. 

“You have nothing to apologize for. None of that was your fault. You had no choice in what was done to you. As for the forgetting, it looks like some has come back. So a little more time and I know more will come back.”

Bucky relaxed even more and nuzzled back into the crook of Steve’s neck. Steve froze. Could that be something Bucky remembered? Was something in this whole mess going to go right for once?

He felt a light press of lips on his neck, and then Bucky was pushing himself to sit up straighter. Blue eyes met grey and Steve knew there was a glimmer of a memory.

“Buck-”

Bucky put a finger to his lips and shushed him. “I don’t remember a lot, but I get glimpses and flashes. I know we had something more than just friendship.” HIs hand dropped from Steve’s lips to his chest, back over his heart. “I feel it there. And I know you do too Steve. I can see it in your eyes. That hope that I remember how it was.” 

Steve tried to say something, but Bucky shushed him again. 

“No. I need to get this out.” Steve just nodded. “I can’t give you that Steve. I’m not that Bucky. I do want you and I want a chance to be good again,” Steve growled at his word choice, but kept silent. “I’m fucking terrified Stevie. What if something happens and I forget again? I don’t want to do that to you.”

Bucky was beginning to panic again, so Steve did the only thing that was on his mind. He kissed him. Bucky stiffened and then let himself fall into it. The feel of Steve’s lips on his was was familiar, and needed, and right. Steve was cupping his face and Bucky just wanted more. He wanted all of Steve, now, in the cab, he didn’t care who saw. 

“Stark Tower.” the driver’s voice was gruff and final. There would be no lingering for them. Steve paid and they got out. Before moving to the entrance, where he knew they would be mobbed by security, Steve stopped him. 

“Bucky. What you said. I listened, I promise. And while I miss the other Bucky, I want this Bucky too.” He grabbed Bucky’s metal hand and laced their fingers together. “I want to make new memories. Together. And if you begin to remember more, we’ll add those too. You are a good man. The best I’ve know. And, if you’ll let me, I want to do this with you.” 

Bucky looked at their hands. Metal and flesh, together. He wanted it all too. 

“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”

Steve grinned and tugged him to the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky get to enjoy each other for the first time in a very long time.

After being poked and prodded by Stark and Banner, and proven to be mostly healthy, Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and left the lab. He’d promised Stark a chance to examine his arm at his leisure later. Right now he wanted Steve and a bed. Steve let himself be led along, happy in the knowledge that Bucky was okay and was going to stay. 

In the elevator, Steve told JARVIS to take them to his floor and then he found himself pressed against the wall, with Bucky’s lips on his. Steve responded instinctively, kissing Bucky back just as fiercely. It tasted of something familiar, yet was also something new. Bucky crowded into Steve’s space until their bodies were pressed together from shoulder to thigh. 

“Captain Rogers, we have reached your floor.”

“Thank you JARVIS. Mind not sharing that footage with Tony?”

“I am unsure as to what footage you are referring.”

“Thanks JARVIS.”

“Goodnight Captain, Sergeant Barnes.”

Steve went to where Bucky was waiting and cupped his face for another kiss. 

“Come on. Follow me.”

Bucky let himself be led, happy to trust Steve and follow where he was going. He still kept an eye on his surroundings, some habits never died. Steve was nervous as he took Bucky to his bedroom. It had been so long since they had been together. He wanted it to be perfect. 

At the door, Bucky stopped him and kissed him again. 

“It’ll be okay Steve.” 

Steve kissed him this time, softly and sweetly, wanting to taste Bucky’s lips. 

“I know Buck. I’ve just missed you so much.”

Bucky laid his head against Steve’s neck, taking in the scent of Steve and feeling relaxed and safe. “Anytime I’d remember and get a glimpse of us, I’d find myself longing for you. I didn’t care if you were just a figment of my imagination, I pined for the soft touches and kisses. And now that we’re here and it’s all real, I want to take my time and relearn you and what you like.” Bucky kissed below his jaw, “What makes you gasp,” another kiss, “what makes you moan and writhe.” He pushed his hips into Steve’s so he could feel how hard he was already and Steve gasped.

Bucky tightened his arms around Steve’s waist and tilted his head for a kiss. Steve obliged and slanted his lips over Bucky’s. He cupped the back of Bucky’s head and let the kiss stoke their fires for each other. He reached back and opened the door, walking Bucky back towards the bed. 

Bucky felt the bed hit the back of his knees and he sat, looking up at Steve. As Bucky watched, Steve pulled off his shirt, revealing his muscled chest and taut abdomen. Bucky reached up and traced each muscle with his fingertips, enjoying the shudder Steve gave. 

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to that stomach, tasting sweat and Steve’s body wash. He ran his tongue along each groove and left a few nips along the way. His hands smoothed up strong thighs to find the large bulge in Steve’s jeans. He looked up at Steve with a smirk and gave it a squeeze.

Steve made a strangled noise and reached for Bucky’s shirt. Bucky took it off and leaned back on his elbows so Steve could look. Steve gazed hungrily at Bucky laid out for him. There were scars everywhere and Steve wanted to kiss each and every one until they were better. He reached out hesitantly, reverently for Bucky. Bucky sat back up and took Steve’s hand, kissing the palm. He moved until he was fully on the bed, resting against the headboard. 

“Steve. Please. I need you.” 

Steve didn’t need to be asked twice. He climbed onto the bed and crawled between Bucky’s spread legs and settled his body against Bucky’s. When their hips met, they both groaned and rocked together. Steve took this as his chance and kissed and lickedk every scar on Bucky’s chest and stomach. 

“Steve.” Bucky’s voice was low and breathless, “Don’t. Stop.”

Steve’s eyes flicked up to Bucky’s and he grinned. He had no intention of stopping. With Bucky here, underneath him, he was going to take him apart and enjoy every second of it. Unbuttoning Bucky’s jeans, he placed a kiss on the small bit of skin revealed. He unzipped them and tugged them down Bucky’s hips and off. 

“Still going commando Bucky?” Steve dipped his head back down, mouthing at the sharp jut of Bucky’s hip, ignoring his hard, leaking cock. He nipped at the soft skin of his thigh and soothed the sting with a kiss. He stroked up the back of each muscled thigh and Bucky began to squirm under his ministrations. 

Bucky groaned and lifted his hips. He wanted to feel Steve’s mouth on him. Watch his cock stretch those lush lips. Steve finally took the hint and kissed up to the crease of Bucky’s thigh, inhaling the musky scent of arousal and Bucky. He slid his tongue along the bottom of Bucky’s cock, tracing the vein there. 

“Steve.” Bucky could barely speak, he wanted more so badly. 

Steve shushed him and kissed the crown, dipping his tongue in the slit. Bucky’s hips jerked and Steve chuckled. He held his hips still and slid Bucky’s length into his mouth. Bucky had to close his eyes and clench his fists in the sheets as Steve began to bob up and down on his cock. The sensation of Steve's hot, wet mouth was going to be his undoing. 

Steve could feel his own erection pressing against his jeans, aching for release. He let go of Bucky’s hips to give himself a squeeze. He wanted to feel Bucky inside him again. Making love to him tenderly and slowly. He released Bucky’s prick with a pop and one last kiss on the leaking head. 

Steve began kissing his way back up Bucky’s stomach and pecs. Taking a few moments to use his teeth and tongue to bring Bucky’s nipples to stiff peaks. Bucky was rutting against the thigh between his legs, desperate for any kind of friction. His vocabulary had been reduced to Steve’s name and pleas for more. 

When Steve had finally reached Bucky’s mouth, he paused. He looked a gray eyes, pupils blown with want. He was flushed and whining for more. Steve loved knowing it was because of him that Bucky was like this. 

Carding his fingers through Steve’s hair and giving a small yank, Bucky pulled Steve’s lips to his. There was no finesse to this kiss. It was all teeth, and tongue, and pure need. Jerking his hips into Steve’s again, Bucky reached for Steve’s jeans. He needed to feel skin on skin. 

“Too many clothes. Pants. Off. Now!” The last bit was said with a growl and Steve hurried to comply. He shimmied his jeans and briefs off quickly and crawled back between Bucky’s legs. They rocked their hips together and both groaned as their cocks came into contact.

Steve caught Bucky’s lips, nibbling on the plush bottom half. He slid his tongue inside and licked into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky slid a hand between them and wrapped it around both of their cocks, precome helping them slide together. Steve’s head dropped onto Bucky’s shoulder, resting there, watching as their pricks rubbed together, sending sparks of pleasure through his whole body. Steve had missed this feeling. This closeness with someone. Each out of breath and needing more touch, more friction, more everything.

“Oh! God! Bucky. More. Please.”

Bucky paused at how wrecked Steve sounded already. He rolled them so he was on top and began to rut against Steve again, Steve meeting every thrust. He kissed Steve’s neck, sucking a mark over his collarbone. He knew it’d be gone soon, but he relished the look of it while he could and began sucking more marks onto Steve’s chest. Steve tangled a hand in Bucky’s hair, scratching along his scalp with his fingers. Bucky pressed into the touch and Steve couldn’t help but grin that Bucky still enjoyed that. 

Bucky crawled back up to look at Steve and just took a moment to soak up that this was all real. Steve was truly underneath him, gloriously naked and wanting him. Lips puffy from kisses, face red, and breathing hard; hands trailing down Bucky’s back to get a handful of Bucky’s ass. He felt a hand cup his face and stroke over his cheek.

“You okay Buck?”

 

“More than okay Steve.”

“Good. Now get down here and kiss me.”

“Always so demanding.” 

Steve just groaned in frustration before wrapping his legs around Bucky’s waist and arching up. 

“Goddamn Steve.” He finally dipped down and gave Steve what he wanted, but he kept it light and teasing. “Happy?”

Steve just pouted and shook his head, rolling his hips into Bucky’s once more. Bucky just chuckled and ground his hips into Steve’s. Both of them were wanting more. Bucky kissed along Steve’s jaw until he reached Steve’s ear. 

“Tell me what you want Stevie.” he rubbed against Steve quicker, dragging their cocks together. He grabbed Steve’s ass and let his finger trail down and slide over his hole. 

“I want. I want…” he groaned again as Bucky’s finger grazed his hole again, “God, Bucky. I want you.”

Bucky nipped at his earlobe and smirked. “Where do you want me Steve? Be specific.”

Steve whined before answering, “Want you inside me. Like we-” Steve shut up before he finished, realising that Bucky might not remember that much. 

Bucky just smirked again, lips quirking into that smile he always had when they were in bed. He moved so he could see Steve’s face, “You mean like we used to do it. My prick deep inside that little body of yours. Trying to keep quiet.” Bucky kissed him then. The kind of kiss Steve had requested before. 

“Yes! That’s what I want. You always feel so good inside me. Want that again.” Steve bit at Bucky’s neck, wanting to leave his own mark amongst all the others. “And Bucky. We don’t have to be quiet here.”

Bucky’s brain went staticy. He could just imagine the noises he would pull from Steve. It took Steve pinching his nipple to come back. “Lube. We need lube. I’m gonna make you feel so good Steve.”

Steve let go of Bucky’s waist to roll over and reach for the nightstand. He opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle, tossing it to Bucky. He also pulled out a condom and and asked, “Condom? I’m clean. Super soldier and all that.”

“Me too. Skip it?”

“Yeah.” Steve tossed it of the bed and rolled back to Bucky. “How do you want me?”

“On your back. I want to see your face.”

Steve smiled. That was what he’d been hoping for. He grabbed a pillow, placed it under his hips, and spread his legs. Bucky popped the cap on the lube and poured some on his fingers. He rubbed his fingers together to warm it, and crawled back between Steve’s legs. Steve shifted impatiently. 

“Buck! Touch me already!”

Bucky laughed and wrapped a hand around Steve’s cock and gave it a slow stroke, slipping his thumb over the tip. His hand trailed over Steve’s balls, giving them a small squeeze. Steve’s hands clawed at the sheets. Bucky’s pace was driving him crazy. Bucky poured more lube on his fingers and reached down to circle Steve’s hole. He rubbed along the rib, loving the way Steve began to began to squirm and writhe. When he finally began to press inside, Steve shifted his hips to take Bucky further into him. He wanted more, he wanted Bucky inside him and he wanted it now.

Bucky kept at it with one finger until Steve began to beg, “More Bucky. More. More. More.” 

Bucky slipped a second finger into Steve, who cried out, “Oh yes!” Bucky began to scissor his fingers to stretch Steve, and was soon able to add a third finger. Steve moaned again and began to fuck himself on Bucky’s fingers, hand moving to grab his aching cock and stroke it. Bucky drank in the site of a wrecked Steve beneath him and his breath caught. He leaned forward to nibble on Steve’s jaw and in a shaky voice said, “God. Look at you Steve. Fucking yourself on my fingers. Desperate with pleasure. You’re gorgeous like this.”

Steve whimpered, “Want your cock Bucky. Need it inside.”

He kissed Steve, rough and wet, “Oh God yes.”

Bucky removed his fingers and Steve cried out at the loss. He poured some lube on his hand and spread it over his own erection. Steve pulled his knees to his chest, and Bucky could see the blond’s hole, slick with lube and ready for him. He lined himself up and began to press inside. Steve was still so tight and Bucky pushed in slowly. He had to breathe deep to not come right there. The sensation of Steve around him was incredible. 

“Yes, Bucky, yes. So good. Don’t stop.”

Bucky pulled out a little and thrust in a little more. He kept at that until he was fully seated inside Steve. Steve reached and cupped his face, thumb tracing over his bottom lip. Bucky took the digit and sucked on it. He began to fuck Steve, with short, shallow strokes at first, before moving to long and slow. He bent down and kissed Steve, tasting sweat, and a little bit of himself. 

“God Steve. So tight. Not gonna last long baby.”

He took Steve’s cock in his hand and began to stroke in time with his thrusts, twisting a little as he reached the tip. 

“Me either Buck. You feel so good. So, so good.”

Steve let his hand drift up Bucky’s metal arm, going lightly over the cool metal and stopping where the metal met his shoulder. Bucky’s thrusts faltered a bit and he looked away from those big blue eyes. 

“Hey.” Steve’s hand stayed on his shoulder, moving over scarred flesh, gently feeling around raised skin. “Bucky, you are still so beautiful to me. Please look at me?”

Bucky made himself look at Steve and when he saw the small, loving smile on his face, Bucky felt his heart skip and his face heat even further. Steve tangled a hand in his hair and tugged him down for a kiss. Bucky’s hips picked up their rhythm again, pushing into that tight, hot channel a bit faster. Steve’s hips lifted, meeting his thrusts. Bucky began to angle his thrusts, looking for that one spot. He knew he’d found it when Steve’s eyes rolled back in his head. 

“Yes! Bucky! Yes!”

Bucky stroked Steve’s length faster, wanting him to come first. He wanted to watch Steve fall apart. It had been so long and he wanted a real memory of it. It didn’t take long, a few more strokes and Steve let out a shout and came. Bucky didn’t last much longer, a few more thrusts and he was coming inside Steve. As hips stopped moving, he kissed any part of Steve he could reach. When he pulled out, he stayed where he was between Steve’s legs, breathing hard, trying to take in the sight beneath him. It was one Bucky never wanted to forget. Steve, blond hair a mess and brown with sweat, breathing heavy, lips full and swollen from kisses. His come drying on his stomach and chest, as Bucky’s love bites faded. Hands reaching out to touch Bucky. But his eyes, oh his eyes. Shining and sated, full of love and adoration for Bucky. Those eyes were the thing he vowed to remember. 

“Bucky? Sweetheart?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Come here please?” Steve held out his arms and Bucky held out a hand motioning that he’d be right back. He went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth. When he came back he wiped down Steve’s chest and stomach and himself before he let himself gladly go into Steve’s arms, kissing him lightly before laying his head on his chest. Steve closed his arms around Bucky, still a little unbelieving he was here in his arms. He ran his hands through Bucky’s hair, happy when he felt him relax on top of him. It did not take long until they both drifted off to sleep.


End file.
